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GOT. By Pollux, I’ve never dined more lavishly, by Castor, I’ve never drunk more copiously, by Hercules, I’ve never been received more cheerfully, never indeed have I more gladly taken on victuals. Inside the poor little servants, come running up happily wherever I betake myself, welcoming me on my arrival. One says “Greetings, sweetest Gothrio.” Another, “How goes it with you, my Gothrio?” Another, “Here’s a cup of wine, Gothrio.” Then what pranks the dancers offer in there! One twists his feet around thus, another twists himself in a circle, then after each dance is finished they whisper something secretly in each others ears. But that man in particular who entered first never makes an end of talking with Julia.
LEO. (To himself.) I see Pantomagus’ servant Gothrio, I want to tease this buffoon a bit. I’ll speak boastfully as if something good has occurred. (Aloud.) Immortal gods, to what mortal have you granted more in a single day, who has deserved less? With what joys today has loaded me! With praise, profit, sport, holidays, splendor, drink, a fully belly, happiness! Now I can either help a friend or destroy an enemy.
GOT. Well done, royally. This man ought to have been a king.
LEO. So I want all men to be warned that the must abscede, discede, recede, and secede out of my way. For my fist’s an arrow, my elbow an arrow-shooting machine, my head a battering-ram, my foot an indomitable steed.
GOT. I’m eager to set this horse in motion. Has his fodder made him so fierce? Holla, nag. Hey, what? Was that you, Leonardus? Pray forgive me, I was under the impression you were a horse.
LEO. Hey, glory of the parasites, was that you here? But who’s coming out of there? Pray forgive me, I was under the impression you were a donkey.
GOT. But if I catch you today I’ll ride on your back, donkey though I am.
LEO. Favor begets favor, what befalls a grateful man never perishes. But now, Gothrio, because you provoke me first, I pray that you reconcile with me.
GOT. Come, Leonardus, because you ask me first, and what you ask is reasonable, give me your hand straightway.
LEO. Hm, my hand? I do not like that condition, give me your faith.
GOT. I have none. But (as befits a truly magnanimous man) I forget the injury I’m unable to avenge. (Enter Fredericus.) But who’s coming out of Alphonsus’ house?
LEO. See for yourself. Now I understand well enough.


FRED. Wajner sal ick habben min ghelt van min liver hart?
LEO. You go up to him by yourself lest he see me.
GOT. How is it with you now, min liever hart?
LEO. Pray call the piper, Gothrio.
GOT. Fredericus, can you dance to the pipe?
FRED. Very much, very much.
GOT. Hey piper, come out quickly. Can you blow The Self-Tormentor?
LEO. Come, ass, play what you want.
FRED. Yes, Ich sal te hebben. Now my eyes and head hurt. Alas, where is the world falling to? Whee, it’s spinning in a circle. Hey, what am I seeing?
LEO. What are you seeing, pray?
FRED. Oh, the gods and goddesses drinking at a banquet. See how Mars toasts Venus. This isn’t making Vulcan happy, see how he’s frowning.
GOT. I think this man’s been looking at demons, not gods. But are you going to lie down here, Fredericus?
FRED. Why does it concern you? If I choose, I want to.
GOT. Look how the ox lies on the ground. Get up, you animal.
FRED. Permit me a little while, I want to sleep right here. (Exeunt maskers.)
LEO. Let him sleep until tomorrow. But what’s this noise? The maskers are departing. I’ll craftily sneak away.
GOT. What? Pray where has Leonardus fled? I believe he was ashamed for his master.


PANTO. Now’s the time, Gothrio, when I will show what I can do, and bind Alphonsus to me forever. If I do this, as I know I am going to do it, an easy avenue to Julia will lie open for me.
GOT. What sudden occasion has arisen, Master, that you can display your art?
PANTO. An old malady has lately seized upon Alphonsus. Now, as is his wont, he gravely suffers from the stone, and, by my advice, so that he may find a quick cure he desires to be operated upon.
GOT. Operated upon? But how can he bear the pain?
PANTO. I’ll cast him into a deep sleep. So bring me soporific water, I mean the one compounded with opium. You’ll find it in the medicine cabinet in the window on the right. And hurry, do you hear?
GOT. Now I’m here, when you perceive me to be there.
PANTO. The matter does not require a joke. Hurry seriously.
FRE. Yes, yes, hurry.
PANTO. Hm., what sound wafts to my ears. Nobody is nearby. (Seeing Fredericus on the ground.) Now I have you ensnared, you beast. You’ll get something, my most sweet rival.
FRE. Hey Leonardus, put out the lights. They’re disturbing my sleep.
LEO. Who’s calling Leonardus. What’s going on, Leonardus?
PANTO. Who’s calling. Who is he addressing? Hm., it’s certainly Fredericus.
FRE. It’ll be taken care of tomorrow.
PANTO. What, pray?
FRE. That I get good revenge on the physician.
LEO. What about you? Did you take off my master with poison, you rascal?
PANTO. You take him off if you want, I haven’t taken this man off, and he’s still alive. Are you ill, my good sir?
FRE. Hand me a piss-pot. Why are you standing there, donkey?
PANTO. A piss-pot? What’s the need?
FRE. But give me a piss-pot, I say. I think I’m about to pee in bed.
PANTO. This man’s quite soaked with wine.
LEOLEO With wine? Get away, you monster of a man. As if he were accustomed to do thus!
GOT. Don’t I seem to you to be a Pegasus, Master, who have flown to you so quickly?
PANTO. Give me the water. But why is it that Amerina’s coming out?


AME. Master greatly begs you, Pantomagus, if it’s no trouble, that you come back to him tomorrow. He’s just begun to sleep sweetly, and he wants to rest tonight if he can.
PANTO. Good, Amerina, I’m happy that he’s sleeping, and so I’ll return to him tomorrow morning. Meanwhile you keep this water, which he’ll need then.
FRE. I hear you well, don’t return to me tomorrow.
AME. Pray what’s our Fredericus doing here?
PANTO. How the toadstool is soaked with wine! Look at the shameful animal, and for my sake tell Julia what you’ve seen.
LEO. Do you want us to return home, Master?
GOT. Oh the fine lad, now the infant begins to go.
LEO. What disease, Master, has kept you so long?
FRE. I’m dyspeptic, then dizziness seizes my head.
LEO. No, I think that epilepsy has taken you, to which they say goats are most susceptible, thus you had a sudden collapse a little while ago. But I’ll cure you well. Go straight home, sleep in moderation, beware of salty foods and excessive drink, you’ll convalesce quickly. It’s been proven. What do you say?
PANTO. Why say much to you? The donkey’s moving his ears.
GOT. You’ve wounded the man. You’ve practically killed him.
PANTO. Now it’s time for us to go too. Where are you going now, Gothrio?
GOT. I’m carrying away the torch and the cloak.
PANTO. Then you should ask to borrow some weapon, with which we may defend ourselves on the journey, if needs be.
GOT. But our house is nearby.
PANTO. So what? He who fears is wise. I have sufficient experience with men’s habits, I don’t want to meet anyone unarmed.
AME. By Castor, Pantomagus, you are acting prudently. He is wise over-late who takes up a shield after being wounded. A wise man ought to have foresight and prudence.
PANTO. Having been taught often I’ve learned to be afraid. But what has he brought out?
GOT. Scaevola’s sword.
PANTO. (Swishing the sword.) Oh how I loved you when I was younger!
AME. Really, Pantomagus? Do you wield a weapon so skillfully?
PANTO. This is nothing compared to what I could do when I was young.
AME. Heavens, you seem to me young in countenance and in strength.
GOT. (Aside.) And to me also brave in your back, not your breast.
PANTO. Amerina, I knew every method of defense, and how to strike with edge and point.
AME. That’s enough, Pantomagus, now I see your abilities.
PANTO. Ah, Amerina, and these are now dead.
AME. Why dead?
PANTO. In comparison to what they were, my little darling.
GOT. Heavens, you see how Master is incapable.
PANTO. Now that you see who I am, by Hercules, I pray that you press my suit with Julia.
AME. I promise I’ll praise you in accordance with your virtues.
PANTO. You do me a kindness, Amerina, I’ll return the favor. What about Julia? Hasn’t she gone to bed yet?
AME. No, she’s sitting inside with Scaevola.
PANTO. So greet her on my behalf, and tell her I kiss the place she’s sitting.
GOT. And pray add one thing for my sake.
PANTO. What’s that, Gothrio?
GOT. And the part with which she sits.
PANTO. Really, you whipping-post? Come here.
GOT. No, by Hercules, unless you forgive me.
PANTO. Heavens, if I didn’t love you uniquely, I’d never forgive this crime. But now for her sake I bear it more calmly. Fare you well, Amerina, and be mindful of me.
AME. And you, Pantomagus, and be mindful of Mistress.
PANTO. I am mindful.
AME. (To herself.) Erophilus promised he’s coming to Mistress tonight, and Julia’s awaiting him anxiously. And see, here’s Pantaleo.


PANTA. Is everything safe enough? Is there no opportunity for trickery? My master sent me on before as a scout. And see, here’s Amerina. How are our affairs going?
AME. Well, Pantaleo, and very much as I want. Alphonsus is ill and is sleeping in a remote part of the house. But our exhausted Cerberus Sannio is snoring, the cooks are asleep, and I have been left to guard the house. Now I’m going inside. When your master arrives, tell him to rap gently on the window. This will be the signal for him to be let inside immediately.
PANTA. Everything goes happily. But what’s that water you’re carrying?
AME. I have no idea. Pantomagus gave it to me for safekeeping. Farewell, Pantaleo.
PANTA. And you, Amerina. But do you hear? Don’t go to sleep this night.
AME. That’s nothing. Haven’t you anything else to request? I’m lingering here too long, I’m afraid lest Scaevola get curious.
PANTA. The business has been going well. Look how everything comes together. Alphonsus is ailing, Sannio’s asleep, Amerina’s been left to guard the door. The man to whom the gods are propitious, I do not think they’re angry at.


ERO. Is anybody here? Has everything been explored?
PANTA. Bad luck, Master. For had you come a little bit earlier, you would have found Amerina here in front of the door, but nevertheless the gods wish you to be preserved.
ERO. How so, Pantaleo?
PANTA. Alphonsus is ill, Sannio is sweetly slumbering, Amerina has been left as guardian of the door, and she bids you rap quietly at this window.
ERO. I don’t understand what fear suddenly invades my mind. Depart, fear, you are a sign of degenerate spirits. But what? You’re afraid for Julia, not yourself. So continue fearing. Your fear is a sign of love. For whoever makes an attack on me, fighting either hand-to-hand or at a distance he falls, conquered by my might. So what should I fear? Fortune helps the brave. I’ll gently rap on the window she bade me to. You gods and goddesses, come to my help. But what divine sound am I hearing, Pantaleo? It’s she, I recognize her voice, that’s not the voice of a mortal woman. Now I’ll hasten to follow her instruction. But see, Julia’s here. I like the omen.
PANTA. See, Master, Amerina’s opening the door.
AME. Come inside carefully, take care nobody hears you.

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